Porn is love you can see.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
