he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
