That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
