90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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