I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
