Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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