He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
