you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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