hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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