I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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