walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
