I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The power of my boobs compel you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
