Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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