The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
