The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
