I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
MIDGETS
????
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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