Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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