haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
