I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
