I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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