Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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