just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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