I wish I could punch you in the face.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
