Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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