I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will pee on everything he values.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
