Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
