Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
