PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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