You really coming over, don't trick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
