so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
