So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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