dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How naked do you want me to be?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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