I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
