I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
