Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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