While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
