Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
