she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
