just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
