Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
