It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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