she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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