there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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