I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
