Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I could fuck to npr.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
