yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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