why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
