Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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