You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
