whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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