I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
