so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
