Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
