just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
