just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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