and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
