we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
