i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
