Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
