and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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