First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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