My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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