my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
