We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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