My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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