Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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