I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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