i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
