i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
