On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
