He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
