My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
