man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
