I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
