Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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