i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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