she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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